we met on the street
New Yorkers don’t usually view meeting people on the street the same way tourists or anyone else who lives outside of the city might. I know that being from California, I always thought the idea of it as adorable and I figured it happened all the time. The first few months I lived here, I talked to a ridiculous amount of people on a day to day basis. When you grow up in a small town, it’s customary to ask service workers and even strangers in your vicinity how their days are going, what their names are, and other small chat. In fact, where I’m from, it’s kind of rude not to greet someone if you’re standing next to them for an extended period of time. In New York though, people don’t really do that.
The first few months I lived here, I met a lot of people. I made friends, was chummy with all the deli boys and coffee baristas, and was propositioned more than I’d like to admit. I remember my friend group questioning me, one in particular who asked, “how do people just approach you like this all the time? That never happens to me” and another who said “it’s because you’re beautiful.” Here’s the thing though, it’s not like I’m some sparkly magical pretty hypnotizer, in fact, I don’t think looks have anything to do with it at all. I think what it comes down to is a few things that funnel into one big thing. Being smiley and friendly, being talkative or chatty with those around you by giving them compliments and asking them questions, and actively participating in being present/living in the moment are all things that make you more approachable. However, in my opinion it really comes down to one thing in particular, which is viewing life with a genuinely-interested and borderline-delusional amount of optimism for opportunity.
When you view life like this, I swear your world starts shifting. I’m not the sparkly magical pretty hypnotizer, because I’m the one in hypnosis. My world is a glittery field of stardust filled with “what ifs” and “anything’s possibles” and “best case scenarios.” When you are out in public, viewing life with this lens, like I said, things start transforming before your eyes, including people. The girl standing next to you in line at the post office becomes a potential best friend (that one actually happened to me), the old grumpy woman your sharing a bench with becomes a spigot of wisdom just waiting for you to turn the valve, the cute boy on the train becomes a long lost prince from another country, the young child screaming out loud turns into a child who’s actually just waiting for someone who’s willing to play along, the person who’s obviously on drugs becomes someone who might have once been a lot like you but accidentally took a wrong turn, and so on and so forth. You gain a type of empathy, you try to humanize them, to relate to them. And it all goes back to that optimism, that deep down we’re all hoping for the best, we’re all good people at our core, or at least we once were and that has to count for something. I understand it’s feely, illogical, wishful thinking, and whatever other realism downer adjectives that a realist would accuse. However, what I highly doubt anyone could truly deny, is that if it were true, if all the people around you really were that beautiful- that connected, then it’s a hell of a lot more preferable to any other version.
I’m not saying I view life like this all the time. That wouldn’t be sustainable. As much as I would love to stay in dreamland all the time, the real world never fails to wake me up and remind me that it’s there. Sometimes I go weeks, or in my present case- months, without a trip to dreamland (and by this I don’t mean that I don’t dream when I sleep, but in regards to the lensical idealistic world I just painted for you.)
I think I stopped going to dreamland because it felt like I didn’t need to. It felt like my friends, my family, my academic, extracurriculars, health, and even romantic areas in life were pretty full. Why would I need to be so optimistic that life was better than it already was? I didn’t feel a need to attract more friends and I think on an unconscious level, even romantic partners, because I already felt fulfilled and busy, as it was. I mean, I still had empathy for people around me, I think for me in particular it would be impossible to not have that, but I wasn’t romanticizing everything up anymore or looking for new opportunities because I think I felt like I didn’t need more than I had.
Recently one or more of those areas emptied out, as they ultimately always do. I think when you have to question any important aspect of your life, whether that be a personal factor- your purpose, your goals, your health, or one involving someone else- a friendship, a family member, a co-worker, a romantic interest- sometimes that type of reflection is a gateway to other and sometimes even more profound reflections.
One of my reflections today, was that I really missed dreamland. And that even if I feel fulfilled, even if I feel like I have no time for even one more acquaintance or opportunity, I don’t ever want to stop going there entirely. Even if I hardly had time to brush my teeth I was so busy, I’d hope I still had a streamline view of its gates or a highlight reel of its candidancy. Because even when you do have it all- even when life couldn’t get any better than it already is, if you’re truly borderline-delusional, you’ll know that there’s a chance it could. That’s not saying to not be content or grateful for what you have, it’s saying to always allot room for that of which you don’t even know you’re missing. Maybe it’s not a relationship that is dependent on someone else, or really in your favor that much at all. Maybe that one other person that you need, is someone who needs you in theirs.
Pretty deep reflection.
If you’ve made it here, congrats- I know that was the worlds longest intro for my actual story (but good thing my story isn’t super long. :)
This weekend I went to……. you guessed it,
dreamland
〰️
dreamland 〰️
I met so many incredible people. I had two especially notable conversations that I want to share.
The first was with a gentleman at Ben’s Pizzeria in Greenwich Village. I had just got done having coffee with a good friend and needed to down a slice so I wouldn’t go ballistic at Trader Joes on an empty stomach.
The gentleman ordered two regular (cheese) slices and two bottles of orange juice. While he was gathering his money, I ordered my slice, bbq chicken (very fancy in comparison to my usual pepperoni.)
I said “It’s hard to pick, all the slices look so good” to the pizza handler and the gentleman next to me said “and why, so do you!”
Okay, usually as a woman, this could go in an eyeroll, uncomfy, why are you hitting on me type of fashion. But instead, I took it as a friendly compliment, because maybe he really is just being nice and isn’t a creepy weirdo.
That was smooth, I said.
That’s just how I am, he said.
I laughed.
I’m a funny guy, she thinks I’m a funny guy (he says to the pizza clerk), you know, lots of ladies like to hear my jokes, I got ladies with boyfriends who call me- just to hear my jokes.
I laughed again.
He paid and turned around to eat his slices at a bar table.
I paid for my slice and the pizza clerk said “you’re too fun.” We smiled at each other.
I turned around and told the gentleman to have a nice day.
I’d have a really nice day if you’d walk over to that park down there and let me tell you some more jokes, he said.
I’m in a hurry but maybe some other time, I said.
Oh okay, he said and we waved.
He looked like he had some type of affliction and I most certainly wouldn’t have followed him anywhere, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and you know what? He made my pizza wait enjoyable and we got to share some laughs. I think that’s a hell of a lot more preferable than being upset about a comment I could have taken a different way or ignoring him altogether.
My other interaction was after the Trader Joes haul. I had gotten turned around trying to find the subway and walked about 10 minutes in the wrong direction. Thinking I knew where I was going, I turned 90 degrees and smiled at a someone who was also carrying a TJ paper bag. He smiled back and said “Hey” in an Austrailian accent.
“Hey?” I said in a friendly - are - you - a - talkin - ta - me?? Kind of way.
I just think you’re really attractive and I was wondering if I could ask you what your name is, he said.
This was a seemingly normalish, contributing member of society, my age, good looking type person. Back to my first initial point of the post, this is pretty rare in New York, especially just casually on the street.
Oh thank you, hi I’m Chelsea, I said
Do you live in Chelsea, he said
No, I said
Hmm, and you just got done at Trader Joes but you’re walking from the opposite direction, he inquisited
I got lost, I said
Oh so you’re new to the area, he asked
Well I live in Brooklyn, I said
Oh, too bad your name isn’t Brooklyn, he said
We had a great conversation and just like that, we weren’t strangers anymore.
And to think, we met on the street!
You might think these interactions weren’t life changing or really opportunistic at all. Maybe you might even think, they were a waste of time. But what I think, is that these types of interactions employ an enjoyable day. They make things brighter, more interesting. And sure, the majority of the time these run-ins go no where, information may be exchanged, but no one ever hits the call button… and that’s okay! Because at least part of the time, no matter how infrequent or insubstantial, you do meet someone worthwhile. So I’m going to keep traveling to dreamland and updating you on my interactions and someday, we will find one that sticks. And who knows, they might even be keyholders to a whole other type of lensical land altogether… (there’s that delusional optimism we were talking about, baby!)
